Cirrus ... More than clouds

So I've been attempting to maintain some sort of relationship with Cirrus. I care for him- beyond sexually-

I must remind myself that I joined into an interaction with a twenty year old. And while he is intelligent on some levels, he is ignorant on others and lacks life experiences to date merely limited by his age and upbringing. He is a beautiful child of God and he is also damaged. I am saddened thinking of the pain he carries inside.

Our last few interactions have been strained, as I grapple with feeling deeply for him and the fact that it is not reciprocated. I have concerns for his safety and well being and that is a liability to him. My concern prevented him from struggling, or so I was told last night. And that concern is another reason for his behavior and resentment of me. It was also revealed that what had been an infedelity with Prince Otter while he was "committed to being committed" to me and us, is now in reality a regular sexual interaction. There is a bond called love forged through their mutual homelessness and struggle.

What was revealed during our last interaction of him joining a couple as the third wheel has now morphed yet again in a short span of time.

It feels as though he does not wish for us to remain close as I had hoped. My feelings for him - that he is more than a hustler looking for sex and a meal- are met with defiance and contempt.

He appears to drop a new bomb each time we interact. He has grown cold and distant. He weaves words that create such beautiful images- the fibers have no substance however and so the creation is flimsy and falls apart easily when observed.

He remains an enigma. I swear there is a diagnosis or two in the DSM besides the autism he indicates.

These past interactions remind me of reading "The Unquiet Mind."

After our parting last night I received a series of texts. I've transcribed them here for future reference. I really wish I had recorded these past few conversations and could more accurately weigh them against the period of July through September-

"The only person that means anything if everything means something is yourself. He is the only one that will really stay by you til the end. We all die alone.

It's a lot easier to simply be grateful you're alive than care that someone else is worried that you are not dead. The only thing anyone cares about is themselves. Seeking fulfillment from me is the same as seeking it through sex or drugs. It is ultimately impermanent.

Gaze into the abyss that is father sky when his children are smiling and you remember that you are but so small. The interactions here on earth are so pathetic really minuet that there really isn't any reason to them."

I am baffled.