Doggie love

Waking on a cool autumn day- dog walking in the wee hours of morning as the world comes alive. My friends are celebrating their wedding in DC- and so I'm watching the house and kids. Abbey is growing older and still avoids me. I think she is afraid I'm going to steal her away.

Waking with thoughts of the sexy troubadour on my mind. A brief interaction last night left me wanting. Wanting to hear him play guitar, wanting to hold and kiss him. He is retreating- feeling strongly yet feeling that he does not wish a relationship. It allows me to look internally and examine my motives, desires, and intentions. He is a drug- as he stimulates me on multiple levels- mentally, spiritually, and sexually. I desire him. I have desire for him.

Wanting to write love songs, poems, verses conveying the feelings I'm experiencing. I am a little frightened to put into words the things running amok in my mind.

Just a shot in the dark...he is definitely causing me to look at and evaluate many aspects of my internal workings. That seems like growth on some level. Relationships in my world have been unions forged in love. He sees the bonds of love as tethers. I guess they can be. Nothing like the paradoxes to illuminate the way with some foggy moonlight. Not at all clear.

Feeling as though there is a connection that defies logic. Some inner voice whispers that I've known him longer that I know. Something strikes an inner chord of familiarity and kinship, brotherhood, fraternity, comradeship, something. My desire for more causes his retreat. That should resonate loudly to my core and yet insanity ensues causing me to redouble efforts to see him, hold him, and love him. The insanity of love can be blinding.

So just for today I will retreat and allow him to unfurl in his own lovely way. Love him from afar. He knows where I am. That is enough today.