Last day of summer

A beautiful Autumnal day has unfolded- it began on the porch with screech owls and crickets and will be closing in a similar manner...

Work was mild for a Monday, and I am thankful. An unexpected text from James made my heart skip a beat. The silence has been deafening to say the least. I miss his presence in my world and acknowledge that the distance is best. I am not willing to be one of many. I am not willing to be an option. I am thankful that spirit is helping me hold to these principles. 

I pray for him daily, wishing him all of the love, joy and happiness I would want for myself. It was suggested long ago to pray for those for whom I felt resentful and I know that it has helped. Funny thing is that 7 years later I still pray for Michael, even when the resentful hurt feelings disipated after a month or so. Funny too that the intent behind the praying for him also changed and I find myself still honestly wishing him the best of everything. I hope that in time my resentments towards James will also fade and morph.

The sky was the most amazing color of blue today. It began as a cool blue, in a cloudless sky. Later cirrus clouds and their whisky tendrils made an appearance. I of course thought of James whose other name is Cirrus. The cloud walker who was a sweet talker... I guess I now know what happens when two handsome men meet for coffee. One ends up with a hurting heart. My wallet is thankful for the separation. Having a twenty year old unemployed, homeless lover tends to increase expenses. He fared quite nicely before me, and is obviously capable of selling his wares to be fed, housed and cared for. I am not that man.

So the day ends. I have retreated to my home to savor the last day of summer as it fades into evening. The temperature is dropping- it is supposed to dip into the 40's tonight - I am not ready for winter by any means. I did make the calls today to arrange for the estimates for the Mitsubishi heating units. I hope and pray they will be affordable... as that project along with the tree removal and survey are priorities for me.