Saturday

A beautiful Saturday unfolds before me- hawks overhead early that appear to be nesting above the house, coffee on the porch, a fire burning since this morning, and a general laziness that included a nap.


It's been a week since my most bizarre Halloween - a friend request and an hour plus conversation with someone unexpected about a mutual former partner, drinking, drugging, and those unusual mean spirited twists that arise everyone and again. But by grace that is not my life today..


That left me feeling thankful. I reached out to cloud man and that left me baffled. The joy of seeing him was quickly eaten by the words that spewed from his mouth- that my concern prevented him from struggling and his subsequent resentment, his undying love for the man he was sleeping with while dating me, the "committed to being committed" was merely a way to protect others. I guess those words explain so well him taking me to the lair of Earthhaven when I was diagnosed with shingles, or the constant letting me know how broke he was and how he couldn't eat, or how he manipulated a few tires out of my wallet- the list is long, and the short of it is that he met or exceeded every word sent to me in warning. Stole my heart and parted with unkind words.


I'm still processing both conversations and realizing that I'm ok. At the end of the day I fall asleep soundly; conscience clear.


So I smoke a cigarette, look at the view and smile - all in all, everything is ideal.