September 14th, 2014

Sunday late afternoon.  The air is cool and the sky is overcast. The day began with coffee on the porch followed by a meeting a bagels with friends. I came home, walked around the yard, did some sit ups and took a nap. It has been a little slothful, but it feels good.

The meetings last night and this morning reminded me of what I need to do in order to maintain my connection, and my sobriety. While I have maintained my connection to the universe and have not had a drink or drug, I have not maintained my emotional sobriety. I have fallen for the bait and lunged into the fray- allowing anger, resentment, frustration, heartache, jealousy all rear their ugly heads. I wake after such an episode feeling as though I am hungover. I am...the emotional hangover lasts longer for me and drains me of life, energy, connection, desire. It all goes out the window. It is not worth it.

So I pause tonight and say thank you. I do a few sit ups- which is completely foreign to me. I am thinking again about my relationship with cigarettes. I have a desire to stop. I am forging a plan and plan to ask the universe to both guide me and join me to help met this aim.

I close the day with binaural beats and water on spotify. I am closing the day. I am thankful. My feelings about the young man are morphing. I can only do the next right thing. I can only be me. That is enough because in my world, the creator doesn't make mistakes. 

Sweet dreams. May you fly high and prosper.