unblocked on the Crackbook

For eight plus years I have been wandering through the world wondering how a certain Magical Blue Eyed Being was doing. Our paths diverged in September of 2007, the night of my last drink or drug. I look for him periodically. Scan to see what might be up, how he is doing, etc. My friends grew weary of this years ago- and our mutual friends made it very clear it was cool to ask. I am thankful.

So this past week I noticed his name in my feed, that he had commented on a mutual friends post. He had blocked me years ago, sometime after our MySpace war of posting music at each other or some such heartbroken child-play. While I knew we had many mutual friends, I could never spy on him as he just wasn't there, I was blocked. I clicked on his name, and voila, there he was. I saw an image of him spraying his bearded neck with Gentlemen cologne- it was his favorite- I got him a bottle our last Christmas together. I smiled. 

He remains an inspiration. He remains holding a piece of my heart, all these years later. I guess it is true that you never really stop loving someone, it just changes in time. I don't pine for him anymore, but I do hope he is well, and include him in my clumsy prayers. We had fun. We explored the world. We opened a bar. We laughed. We cried. He helped me honor Hayes. 

And while our last evening together is somewhat of a blur, the two years before that mostly bring joy to mind. It is good to see his photos. He looks like much has happened in eight years. I can relate to that.

So, I sip my coffee and smile. I clumsily sent him a message and then accidentally sent another message intended for someone else and subsequently deleted the entire conversation, hoping he had not seen either. I think it might be best to just let it be- that has worked well for these eight years. If he has any desire to contact me, he knows how. The door is open, the light is on :-)

​Thank you MPS. You've allowed a certain level of peace that I hadn't realized I wanted. Funny how silly things can mean something after all. Know that infinity was real.